Happy 80th to Me!!

Francis showed up to her 80th birthday party with her hair dyed bright blue. She wore a sundress that she felt showed off her curvy figure well considering her age. It was fitted at the waist, flared just slightly, and fell just below her knees. So Francis strutted in feeling strong and beautiful.

Her daughter, Tabitha, staggered, “Mom! What the, wait, is that a tattoo?” She pointed to the sugar candy skull on her retired, librarian mother’s arm.

“Yup!” said Frances, her chin held high and proud.

Tabitha took a deep breath. Shaking her head, she asked, “And what in the world made you get THAT tattoo?”

“So you’re not upset that I got one at all?” 

Francis lifted the sleeve of her shirt so that you could see the tattoo in all its glory. The huge grin on her mother’s face made Tabitha’s husband, Matt, snort.

“Why? Because it’s badass!”

Tabitha choked back a laugh. “It’s definitely something. That’s for sure.”

In truth the skull WAS actually pretty badass. Bright and colorful, with clean lines. Considering the artist had done it on an eighty year-old’s skin that was even more impressive. Okay, Francis looked damn good for her age, but she was still eighty. There was no way anyone would consider her skin youthful or elastic.

“I love it! You should totally get one, they’re freeing! When Boulder first suggested it, I wasn’t sure, but after some convincing,” Francis wiggled her eyebrows, “I figured why the hell not?”

Tabitha did choke this time. She’d been taking a sip of her wine and, just like that, it had gone straight down the wrong pipe. Damn that burned.

“Boulder?” Tabitha asked through her coughs.

“Yeah my boyfriend.”


Just then a big biker dude in jeans and a leather jacket came sauntering in. Easily twenty years younger, he held an air of danger about him. Tabitha couldn’t help but think that even at sixty he was sexy. Even through his jacket you could see his arms were well defined, he stood tall, and the scruff on his jaw and gray at his temples gave him a look that screamed silver fox.

Tabitha glanced at her husband who seemed to be barely holding it together. His shoulders were shaking in quiet laughter, his face red, and lips pressed tightly together. She was a little afraid he was going to embarrassed himself or, worse, anger her mother. Matt did not want her Mom’s anger pointed at him.

Tabitha turned back to her mother and asked, “This is your boyfriend?”

“Yeah I’ve been dating him for a few months now.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re a fuddy duddy,” Francis said, simply, “And you never would’ve approved.”

“Don’t be too hard on her,” Boulder said, his deep voice sexy as hell. He leaned down and kissed the top of Francis’ head. “You’re throwing a lot at her right now. She’ll get used to it, sexy lady.”

Tabitha gaped. Oh good lord. That man could probably get any woman he wanted with that timbre and the fact that it was pointed at her mother as he flirted with her? She didn’t know what to do.

“Just because I’m eighty, Tabby, doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun.” Francis patted Boulder’s chest. “And he’s a lot of fun.”

Boulder wrapped his arm around Francis’ waist, looked Tabitha straight in the eye, and said, “Your mother’s a very unique woman. Beautiful, smart, and able to keep me in line when needed.”  

Her mother’s suggestive giggle was the last straw. An involuntary shiver that ran up Tabitha’s spine.

“Okay, Mom,” Tabitha said, stepping back. She held her hands up in front of her. “I’m happy for you, just please stop with the sexual innuendos.”

“Party pooper,” Francis said, her bottom lip pouting.

Boulder smirked. “If you don’t put that away, I’m gonna bite it.”

“And…I’m out. I’m going to go check on the kids. Boulder, make yourself at home,” Tabitha said, before she turned and nearly ran for the backyard.

There were a few moments of silence. Then, when it became clear Tabitha was gone, Matt lost it. He bent at the waist and pressed his hand to his chest. Tears came to his eyes as he chortled.

“That was the best thing I have EVER seen!” Matt said.

Francis giggled evilly.  “I am so glad we decided to do this. Not only do I have a hunk on my arm for the day, but I get to watch Tabby squirm.”

“That was awesome,” Boulder agreed. “Matt, I think this was the best idea you’ve had in a while.”

“Hell, I’m just glad you were willing.”

“Well after meeting this firecracker how could I refuse?” Boulder winked at Francis and Matt swore he saw her blush.

Matt blanched, then said, “Oh dear….please tell me you’re not really flirting.”

Francis wiggled closer into Boulder who grinned. After a long moment they both laughed. 

“No, Matty boy,” Francis said. “But I am glad to know I can torment you too. Next year I’ll have to up my game.”

“That’s a terrifying concept,” Matt admitted. “We better get out there or Tabitha might think you’re up to something.”

Francis nodded then led Boulder to the back door. 

“Can I grab your ass?” Francis asked, before they stepped out.

“Only if I can get  some side-boob action,” Boulder said. Francis growled sexily. Before they exited, he turned to address Matt, “Oh and remember, only a select few are allowed to know about this at the office. Right?”

Matt nodded, not able to breathe as he leaned against the bar. “No problem. And hey, tell Tabitha I’ll be out in a minute. I need to find my composure before I face her. Today is gonna be a long and wonderful day!”

“Happy 80th to me!” Francis called as she kissed Boulder’s cheek and stepped out into the backyard.

Published on OBW Blog January 22, 2021 © Tracey Canole  

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